| ok, so i dunno if anyone reads this anymore, but i just wrote this in my xanga a few minutes ago, && i really wanna make sure you guys read it. (this is sarah rizzi, btw)
ok, so this is pretty random, but i had a lot of time to think about everything at work today because we were dead...so here it goes. PLEASE read this, even if you don't know me well.
for basically the whole school year, i've been someone other than myself. or i guess i could say i've been too much of myself && not enough of christ in me. i guess what i'm trying to say, is that its times like these, when i really take a good look at myself, when i realize how much i truly need god. my humanness totally sucks at life, && in no way should i ever try to be self sufficient, because there's nothing i can do on my own that will ever truly work out right in the end. i'm really seeing firsthand that god's plan is the only way things ever work out right, && to be completely honest i can't say that i believed that 100% before, but i believe it now more than i ever have. i guess i'm one of those people who need to learn the hard way, && this past year or so i've fallen so far away from christ that it would be hard for me to say i haven't learned from it. i know you've all seen it, && i've seen it too, but now i'm fixing it for good. i hate the person i've become without my savior, && i can't place the blame on anyone but myself for how i've acted. i feel right now like satan has had such a tight grip on my mind lately, && it really disgusts me. my heart has gone from being washed clean by the blood of jesus to being the hardened, calloused source of bitterness, all because i thought i could handle my own life...but i can't. i'm human. i'm not perfect. i can't ever be perfect, && i need to trust the only one who is. to all my tq girls, i hope you're reading this. i want you to know how hard i've fallen, && i want you to know that if i ever do it again you can beat me over the head with a sharp object. to anyone else, you may not understand where i'm coming from, but there's going to come a day when you realize how much you need christ's guidance in your life, because no matter how much you're decieved into thinking you can, you can never be self sufficient. you can't rely on yourself or anyone else in this world, because we can't know what tomorrow holds. god has a purpose for each one of our lives, && if we choose to follow that purpose we will be rewarded eternally in heaven. if we choose to turn away, he's forced to do the same thing. your relationship with god depends on you, because he is unchanging. he loves you unconditionally, && he wants a relationship with you, but you have to make an effort. he's giving his love freely, but you have to take it.
i really hope everyone who saw that read it, && please don't be afraid to call me out about my mistakes. i don't want to slander the name of christ ever again.
He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy
-Proverbs 28:13 |
